Deliberate Social Media
Many people that I talk with are surprised to know that outside of the blog, I don’t use Facebook or Twitter. Some react with disdain (“How can you possibly know what’s going on?”) or frustration (“How can I reach you if you don’t read Facebook?”). It’s a deliberate choice, and the result of a long journey.
The Journey
I’ve had a rough journey in popular culture over the past few years. First I decided not to read/watch/listen to news. I made this decision after realizing I was angry every morning when I got to work – a direct result of listening to the news.
Then, during my year of insanity teaching high school, I took a social media sabbatical because the principal monitored our personal feeds and reprimanded teachers if they wrote something he deemed inappropriate. While I resented this at the time, it gave me a break from social media and showed me it was possible
When I left teaching, I dabbled with my social media accounts again, and then politics happened. People who were kind and civil in real life spewed vitriol vomit all over my screens. I pulled back again.
The Deliberate Consideration
I really had to consider what I was doing, and what the pros and cons of each social media platform were. This took some long thought, and careful deliberation of how things affected me.
What Was I Getting Out Of It?
With all social media, I am able to easily maintain connections to those from my past, or those I have never met. I am able to see what is going on in my former friends’ lives, look at pictures of children growing up, see the significant events in other’s lives. I could easily keep up with the church events and Girl Scout information.
I was also able to see what other peoples’ opinions are on matters, keep up with popular culture, and be entertained.
What Was I Losing?
There are some disadvantages to social media, though.
First of all, it sucked me it. I know it’s designed to, but it ate away hours every week, hours that I could be using to pursue my dreams.
Second, it wasn’t meaningful communication. Yes, I might see vacation pictures, but that isn’t the same level of communication as an email or letter or phone call. Instead of interaction, it was voyeurism.
Third, I was in contact with people that without social media, I wouldn’t care enough to lift a finger to talk to. This was brought home early on with Facebook. I connected with a high school friend. We gave each other 1-paragraph summaries of the last 20 years, then both realized that we had nothing in common and nothing to say. Thankfully, he saw the humor in the situation as I did and we wound up with “have a nice life.”
Fourth, there is a lot of misinformation out on social media. I will admit publicly here that I tried the mouthwash/vinegar mix to get rid of rough skin on my feet. All that happened is that I had rough feet that smelled like minty pickles. (ICK!)
My Yardstick
In order to make the decision of whether I would continue with any social media platform, I developed a set of guidelines:
- Is the connection meaningful? If this is not someone I could stir to contact via email or phone, then it probably isn’t enriching my life much.
- Is the source valid? I don’t ever want to be in a position to get my news from Facebook or Twitter. Both are just grounds for opinions that are not supported by solid research. If I care enough about an event to know more, I will go to trustworthy sources who have done their homework.
- Can I get the information elsewhere? Most of the time, I can get the information elsewhere. If not, do I really need the information?
How I Cut Back
For my personal life, I have now abandoned Facebook and Twitter. I still do Instagram, but that is because a good friend is an amazing photographer and I like to see the pictures of her art quilts. Pinterest is still a major time-suck for me, and one that provides a great deal of mis-information, but I now limit time spent on all my devices via the new Screen Time features on my phone, and Leechblock on my browser.
The Results
Walking away from social media has not been easy.
My husband, a year later, still asks me if I saw his latest post on Facebook. Only in the last week has he started adding, “Oh, that’s right, you didn’t. Let me tell you about it.”
I have had to demand alternate access to information from both Girl Scouts and the church youth group. And after many “Didn’t you see…?” answered with “no,” drove the point home. Especially when both turned into floods of messenger email and people expected me to act on information I received on Facebook, in spite of me reminding them I don’t do Facebook.
I miss some of the Twitter people I used to follow. However, since I had never met them, it really isn’t that big of a deal.
There was also a bit of addiction in there. For the first few weeks, I found myself naturally gravitating to the sites on my phone. But using tips found on some of my favorite podcasts, I was able to weather this and break through into a place where I didn’t feel the need to check.
All in all I feel like I have a good handle on social media on my phone. It’s been a good experience, and I am definitely happier after taking charge of my consumption.
Social Media And This Blog
The one thing I haven’t talked about yet is social media on the blog. I consider this a necessary evil, but because I don’t follow/friend for the blog, it is manageable. I also don’t post directly, using a service to schedule my posts instead.
Conclusion
Breaking away from automatic consumption and into deliberation has been difficult, but worth the effort. I decided to keep two forms of social media and abandon the others. After a year, I can say that I am calmer, happier, and find that I don’t miss the social media at all.
Addendum
Right after I finished writing this article, I listened to a great podcast on de-addictifying your phone by Get It Done Guy Stever Robbins. It can be found here, and it is well worth the 15 minutes it will take you to listen if you are struggling with social media.
Photo by William Iven on Unsplash
