So many people seeking inner peace and simplicity also mention that they are seeking a balance between work and life. I was greatly encouraged by Adrian Savage’s article “Slow Leadership: The Plain Truth About Work/Life Balance” (sadly, no longer on the web). It really struck a chord with me. His five truths are:

1. Work is simply a part of life, but it needs to be an enjoyable part. If it isn’t, do something about that right away.

“If your life only begins when work ends, you need to find another job or career.” We spend too many hours working to have it be a detested activity. A great many of work-place problems, though, can be changed by changing one thing we have control over: ourselves. If you detest your job, ask what can change. If you can’t change anything, then look for a new job. 8 hours or more a day is too much to waste in something that sucks the life force out of you.

2. Look for balance on a short-term basis only. Stay flexible. Remember it’s like balancing on one leg: rigidity will quickly bring you down.

It is worth thinking about a work-life balance less like a pie chart with portions that are fixed, and more like a juggling act where you have to be constantly adapting to the circumstances so that the balls don’t come down. Flexibility works both toward the personal and professional lives: there may be times when you have to take time off to care for a sick family member, and there may be times when you have to spend more time at the office to get something out the door. It’s all about

3. Set boundaries and try to stick to them. If you compromise too much, your balance will be lost. The ideal is to shift flexibly within your boundaries without going past them.

If your professional life is such that you are supposed to work 40 hours per week, and you have put in 80 for many more weeks than you can count (and there is no end in sight) you may need to consider if you are OK with it. If you are not, then you have moved past your boundary. I will never forget my first client when I came back from maternity leave: he demanded overtime every week as well as me working through a pre-scheduled vacation. I didn’t have the spine to stand up to him, and have regretted it ever since. Now I refuse to work past my specified hours unless there is an emergency. And I am very up front about what my definition of emergency is: if a client cannot complete the work they need to do on a system I am writing/supporting. Anything else, particularly those things caused by poor planning, are not.

4. Have priorities that reflect your stage of life and personal circumstances. Change them in line with life’s changes. Don’t cling to outdated choices.

10 years ago, my priorities were much different. I didn’t have a family or house. Now with both in my life, I have very different ideas of what I want to do. I recently negotiated to lessen my work hours so that I can be home when my daughter is not in school. Luckily, my current client is supportive. If they had not been, I would have asked to be reassigned somewhere else.

5. You can’t ever have it all. Be willing to let some aspirations go with a smile.

Too many “systems”, “programs” and “theories” these days all try to bypass an immutable law: when dealing with individuals, we cannot give/have/perform at more than 100%. 100% is the absolute limit for an individual. So if you add something to your life, it is only logical that something else will have to decrease because you will never exceed 100%. So stop trying.

Balance is conscious choice, and can be very straightforward.

I’m starting to hear comparisons of how people spent their isolation time: Mr. X wrote four books. Ms. Y completed five certifications. Mr. Q revamped his entire garden. And with each of these statements comes the second part, usually unspoken: what did you do?

You know what? I think you’re doing well if you managed to come out of the last two years more or less intact.

Because I work in the productivity space, I know that people push themselves – hard – to do more, have more, be more.

And it is OK to take a break. Whether it is for a weekend, a season, or a couple of years.

My Long Weekend

A couple of weeks ago, I guess I let drop more F bombs than usual in a conversation with my programming partner. He said, “Do you need to take a mental health day?” and proceeded to assure me that he wasn’t joking around, he was seeing me fray around the edges.

I took the following Monday off. And decided that the mental health day would be a mental health weekend, where I made myself do nothing. No task lists, no shoulds, no musts, no deadlines.

It helped. Back at work, I was able to better deal with the stress of being constantly vigilant and expecting harassment attacks around every corner. (The situation has been resolved, and I thank all of you who have reached out to support me.)

It’s OK to take a break.

So What If You Did Little?

As isolation starts to close down, there is going to be more talk of what people did with the time.

And if you took that time as a break, I would hazard a guess you needed it.

Don’t worry about the super-achievers who are held up and praised for their extraordinary productivity.

If you survived with little damage, it is enough.

It’s OK to take a break.

I was wondering one afternoon why work-life balance has become such an issue in our modern lives. The answer is actually very simple: changes in the way work is done now blurs the lines between work and non-work time.

It’s blurring even more as we put the pandemic in the past; but all of our work lives have changed, whether it is working from home or changing jobs due to the pandemic.

Back In the Day

Starting with the industrial revolution, work began to be done in workplaces, mainly factories. Workers would go to the factory, perform their tasks, and go home. You simply couldn’t take work home with you: the machines necessary stayed at the factory. So when you were done with your shift of riveting airplanes, manufacturing cars or rolling paper, you could go home and leave work behind.

The Current Era

Today, thanks to the multitude of electronic devices such as cell phones, wifi virtually everywear, wearable tech and such, we are never out of touch. We can work in the local coffee shop, at a soccer game, or at home. And this access is causing the lines to blur.

How To Get the Balance Back

In the past, the line between work and personal lives was drawn for us by our job situation. Now the line is no longer external; it must be determined and enforced by our internal guidelines.

Simply put, it is up to us to say “No.” We are the ones who must say that we will not work during family time. We must be the ones to draw the line, and explain that it cannot be crossed.

Competition out there might not draw the line; but ultimately would you rather be a rat in the race, or someone with a life?

Too many people talk about living a balanced life, as if life can be slotted into the chunks of a pie graph. This is the balanced life myth. The truth is, we don’t balance, not as people typically think.

In fact, it’s not about doing more, but rather being deliberate about what you do, and letting the rest go.

It’s Not A Pie

For far too long I tried to live a balanced life; but what I forgot is that balanced doesn’t mean equal. If I was giving 8 hours a day to my work, using the equality method, I would have to give 8 hours to my family, and 8 hours to my interests…every day. So much for sleeping!

Sometimes my family gets more of my attention than my interests, and vice versa. There are days when I work more than my allotted 8. It depends on where I am and what the demands on me are.

It’s More Like Spinning Plates

The truth is, in our extreme busyness, we are like those circus actors who spin plates on sticks. We get the sticks going, and we give each plate the attention as it is needed. Sometimes one stick may need more attention than the others.

If you have too many plates, you’re not going to be able to keep them all going. Sometimes you can give a plate a really good crank and it will spin for a while without further attention. Other times you will need to give the same plate more spins.

And if you aren’t skilled enough or pay enough attention, sometimes even with help, you end up with a whole lot of broken plates.

Is this really balance? I don’t think so.

For Everything There Is A Season

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. With COVID still prevalent, there is ample time to think and consider. I look back at the whole balance concept with new eyes. I think it’s time to bust the balanced life myth.

Yes, when we are busy, it can seem like spinning plates. And I think a lot of that comes from trying to add more things in. We know we have something that needs to be done, so we spin up another plate, all the while trying to keep the other ones going.

But when we have less things on our plates (pun fully intended), we can spend more time and attention on those things.

Our lives run in seasons. We have busy times and not-so-busy times. We may have times when we have to focus on some things and let the others go, or stop them altogether.

For instance, every November, I clear out my schedule, and I spend my free time writing. It’s part of the season of National Novel Writing month. Every July I clear the decks for a week so I can do my yearly plan for the blog. Winter is usually the time for knitting and other fiber work as well as video games, while spring, early summer and late autumn are about being outside.

Recognizing these seasons can not only give you a break from monotony, but also give you an impetus to finish off projects.

Knowing You’re Off Balance

Being out of balance always reminds me of being on the merry-go-round when I was a kid. Spinning fast, hanging on for dear life, with a little bit of nausea if I dropped my eyes to what was actually going on instead of staring at something distant.

I know I am out of balance when every waking moment becomes a litany of “there-is-so-much-to-do-and-I’m-never-going-to-get-it-all-done-and-maybe-if-I-just-try-harder/sleep-less/get-smarter-a-miracle-will-happen.”

I’ve done this over and over throughout my life, and the miracle has never happened. What’s the definition of insanity? Oh, yeah: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” (Not by Albert Einstein, by the way, who understood that it is possible to get different results with quantum mechanics. Not so in deliberate living.)

I don’t really have to explain how you know you’re out of balance. If you take a few minutes to sit quietly, you will know if you are out of balance or not. It varies by person, but you will know.

Getting Back In Balance

The time I have had, thanks to COVID, has been a lot less busy and more about being deliberate. And that, I realize is where the balance lies.

I never want to get back to the place where I am spinning plates.

I only want to focus on things that I am actively working for the season. Yes, it will be fewer. But by concentrating on fewer things, I have time to reflect, relax, and do all of the things that keep me off the merry-go-round.

It means selecting the projects I am actively working and letting the others rest.

It means giving myself a day off each week with a break from the task list. (I can work it if I choose, but I can also read or nap or do whatever else I want)

It means realizing when I am about to jump on the merry-go-round to begin with.

Things to Consider

Do you believe in the balanced life myth? How do you know when you are out of balance? Do you recognize the seasons in your life? Or do you keep your plates spinning and hope that nothing falls?

There is too much stress in our lives. We’re so busy and overwhelmed that our stress levels creep up. And it’s not good for us. Prolonged exposure to stress can lead to mood disorders, cardiovascular disease, digestive problems, eating disorders and more. It’s a killer. (See the WebMD article)

But it’s easy to recognize stress, but not so easy to rein it in. So today we’ll take (what I hope) is a light-hearted look at how to reduce stress with the 10 commandments of stress reduction.

Thou Shalt Not Compare

Discontent is rife when you compare your [fill in the blank] to someone else’s [fill in the same blank]. Comparing careers, paychecks, houses, clothes, cars, family, accomplishments, talents and anything else leads to stress. We see what someone else has and we think we should have it. That puts the pressure on us to either achieve it, or to beat ourselves up because we’re not there. Remember: never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.

Thou Shalt Get Enough Sleep

Sleep is one of the best things we can rejuvenate ourselves. Yet according to the Center for Disease Control, 35% of us routinely get less than 7 hours of sleep a night. (If you want to see some shocking stats, check out the CDC article)

Stress causes poor sleep and poor sleep cause us to be poor at coping with stress. Chicken and egg, anyone? But we can control how much time we allocate with sleep, so it seems a good place to start to manage stress.

Thou Shalt Exercise

Exercise releases endorphins, those fun feel-good chemicals. It can also relieve the muscle tension we carry as the result of stress. The Mayo Clinic recommends exercising as a great way to ease stress.

Thou Shalt Realize Thy Circle of Control

“Not my pig, not my farm.”

It’s one of my favorite sayings. It means that I have to realize that most of what I see is beyond my control. Trying to control what I can’t is an exercise in futility and it is stress-inducing.

Unless that pig is in my flower beds, I can’t concern myself with it.

Or as Elsa says, “Let it go.”

Thou Shalt Recognize Thy Humanity

I am going to go out on a limb here and make the assumption that if you are reading this you are human. (My cat didn’t seem interested in reading it through)

If you are human, you are flawed. (Bet you didn’t see that coming?)

If you are flawed, and you are, you will make mistakes and sometimes emotional and sometimes irrational and sometimes irritable and sometimes a hot mess. Roll with it. Give yourself the forgiveness you need and don’t spend your time beating yourself up for being human.

Thou Shalt Recognize Your Options

Too many people feel trapped. Trapped by a job, debt, family craziness, violence, and more.

Everyone can have choices. Notice that I didn’t say “has”. I said “can have”. Because sometimes the choices are something you have to work to get.

When you recognize that you have options, even the option to work for a different choice, it can reduce the stress. It may be something you have to do, like train for another job, or something you have to conquer, like fear of being alone.

I may never use my teaching license again. But believe me, it is a great stress reducer when I deal with an intolerable assignment at work, because I know I have the option to become a teacher again. I’m not trapped by being able to do just one thing.

Thou Shalt Ask For Help

You may have not noticed, but there are a lot of people on this planet. And most of them are pretty decent. If you need help, ask for it. You don’t have to do this alone.

The stress of a task that is just a bit too much can be eased by asking for help.

Thou Shalt Accept Help

Sometimes we forget that we can ask for help. And sometimes people offer to help anyway. Accept help as it is offered.

Many years ago, after my husband had fallen off a ladder and was facing a lengthy recovery, I was refusing offers of help. One lady said to me that I needed to accept the help offered, because people needed to feel like they were supporting my family. It was my giving a gift: allowing them to help.

Accepting help isn’t just about you. It’s about the other person, too. And you might be giving someone something precious in allowing them to help you.

Thou Shalt Not Wallow

Pigs wallow. They roll around in puddles or mud or piles of excrement.

Humans wallow too. And we wallow in metaphorical puddles of mud and piles of excrement. We can stay stuck in our bad places – the places of sorrow, anger, despair and bitterness.

Living in those dark places increases our stress because we are focused on the darkness, not the light.

As a friend once said to me, “Everyone walks through the valley of darkness. It’s your choice to pitch a tent.”

Thou Shalt Take A Break

We go-go-go-go-go in our lives. We move at a pace that our ancestors would find incomprehensible. But this fast pace isn’t sustainable. Remember, the first marathoner, Pheidippides, ran the distance to deliver a message, then keeled over and died.

We aren’t made to operate at full speed. Like a car, if you run it at maximum RPMs, you will burn out the engine.

Take a break. Reduce your stress in that time of slowness. Relax, and enjoy.

Conclusion

I hope you have enjoyed my 10 commandments of stress reduction, pigs and all. See if you can reduce your stress by picking one or two of these things and trying them out today.

Everything has a cost. There are no exceptions. But are you aware of the hidden costs of time and energy of areas in your life? Today we will look at some places you may want to recognize and trim hidden costs.

Last month I did a spending freeze. I spent no unnecessary money, and it really opened my eyes. I had gotten in the habit of running to the store with the pretext of buying something necessary, only to come home with much more. When I did the spending freeze, I realized how much extra this was costing me in both time and energy.

I had been spending my precious free time on weekends – the only time in the week when I have larger blocks of uninterrupted time to get things done – running these shopping errands. Then when I got home, I had to unpack and put things away. Often I would find these objects when I was searching for other things, because I never integrated the items into my life – they were just sitting around. And eventually I would purge them. That is whole lot of time and energy I was giving to impulse purchases!

Ambitions

I’ve talked before about how you have to make sure that your ambitions are your own, and not someone else’s. I experienced this when my mother-in-law mentioned in my hearing that I am the only one of the family without a master’s degree. At that point, I thought, “maybe I should get one.” The problem with this is that an advanced degree would get me nothing in my career and would take up a lot of time and energy.

Some other times ambitions might not fit any more. Things you wanted three years ago may not be the same things that are relevant to your life today. Your time commitments, family commitments, money commitments may have all altered. Maybe running a marathon is no longer something of importance when you have two children under the age of four to care for. Maybe saving for the month long trip around the world isn’t as important as getting your child through college with as little debt as possible.

I recommend looking at these big goals at least once a year (preferably semi-annually) in order to determine if these are things you want to keep putting time and energy toward.

Commitments

When people think of commitments, they think of interactions beyond work, family and home. But commitments are anything that you spend your time and energy on. This could be a home improvement project that has yet to be started (or is languishing undone). It could be a volunteer position with an organization. It could be as big as your job, your family or your home.

Everything that touches your time or energy has an energetic hidden cost. Does your job drain you so much that you have no energy left for anything else? It might be time for a change. Do you feel guilty every time you see a half-finished project that no longer claims your interest? It might be time to get rid of it (I don’t say finish, because if it had your interest, it wouldn’t be a problem!)

I recommend looking at everything that pulls at your time and energy and figure out of the cost is worth it. I do this quarterly, looking at my outstanding commitments and closing down anything that is not giving back the energy I am putting into it.

Consumption

Consumption is not just about buying things. It is about anything we take into our minds, bodies and souls.

What do you buy that you don’t need or use? What do you have a stockpile of? Both of these scenarios have hidden costs in loss of discretionary money and storage.

What do you read? How much social media do you consume? How much television do you watch? The hidden costs here are the effect on your mind (FOMO, anyone?) plus time that you might want to put to a different use.

I recommend doing either a quarterly audit, or a straight out fast in the case of media, to find areas where you have excess consumption.

Expenses

You might be asking why I listed expenses separate from consumption. That is because there can be hidden costs within regular expenses that you are not aware of.

Do you really use all the features you are paying for on your cell phone plan? Do you really need a home phone? Are you paying for services that you don’t use (the gym, perhaps)? Are you paying for cable channels you don’t watch?

Our recent expense audit found that we were paying for a second Amazon Prime, a television streaming service none of us watched, and a lawn fertilizer service that wasn’t effective.

I recommend checking over your expenses once a year (or more) and stop paying for things that you aren’t using.

Holidays

With the holidays fast approaching, it is a good time to look at the hidden costs wrapped up in them. It is really easy to go overboard at this time of the year with gifts. But all gifts must then be stored. Gifts also come with an emotional price tag – how many things do you hang onto that you don’t use or particularly like, but keep because of the person who gave them?

The holidays can also be the trifecta of family stress. Dealing with extended families, no matter how well intentioned, can cause discomfort and exhaustion – and that is the best case scenario. Is it worth the emotional and physical cost?

As my daughter has gotten older, we have simplified our holidays. We cut back on the parties, events and other obligations. We’ve scaled back on gifts. We have developed our own simple traditions that have meaning for us. We don’t travel to see our extended families.

I recommend that you look at your holidays this year and see if there is anything that you want to simplify to cut down on the hidden costs of the celebrations.

Waiting Projects

I am a crafty person. I am always taken by cool projects as I surf the internet and wander through stores (curse you, Pinterest!) When I buy the materials for a new project, I am always swept away by the excitement, never thinking about what I have waiting for me at home. As a result, I have enough yarn and cross stitch supplies to last me years.

It isn’t just craft projects, though. It might be another hobby or books to read or movies to watch or places to visit or things to do around the house. Anything on what David Allen calls the “someday/maybe” list needs to be evaluated to see if it is something you want, or will, do.

The hidden costs in waiting projects is the mental load it puts on you. When faced with a massive list, I can’t choose. Narrow the focus, and I can make a choice and get started.

I recently asked a friend to help me purge my craft stash. She let me keep the yarn that had patterns attached. Everything else went – even the basket of dishcloth yarn (“you have enough dishcloths”) and sewing patterns (“you hate sewing. Let it go”). When we were done I was a little shell-shocked, but I now am working my craft projects instead of thinking I should do something. (Or buying more)

I recommend that you regularly spend time culling the outstanding projects. Purge the someday/maybe list. Let go of materials or books or movies. Get a friend to help if you can.

Relationships

I would like to live in a world where all people are loving, helpful and supportive. Sadly, I don’t live in that world. My world is populated with humans, some of whom are loving, helpful and supportive most of the time. But there are also a lot of damaged people in the world who can suck out my energy.

The hidden costs to less-than-healthy relationships are the drag we feel emotionally and intellectually when dealing with these people. Sometimes, sadly, it is even a physical cost.

It is never easy to let a relationship go, but if it is sucking your soul out, and there is no hope of it changing, consider getting some professional help to sort through the issues and either let the relationship go, or change it so it isn’t killing you.

Conclusion

Everything has a cost. It may be up front, or it may be hidden. The hidden costs are the ones we need to look at to determine if something is truly worth the price.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Over the summer, making deliberate choices about my life and activities have fallen by the side of the road. Not deliberately (no pun intended). It just has happened due to a lack of intention. Things have slipped over time, and I am conscious of not being very satisfied with how my life is right now.

I’ve been very conscious of self-care and what it means in relation to the rest of my life over the past few months. I’m still recovering from the effects of severe stress. I find that it means I need to pay more attention to how I am feeling physically and take corrective action. At the same time I feel myself pressured by the stuff, both physical and incomplete, in my life.

Maybe it’s been coming on slowly the past ten years or so, but I find myself in a place where I am very aware that I don’t bounce back as fast as I used to. I find myself conscious of lack of sleep, blood sugar drops and mental fatigue in a way I never have before. I can’t ignore unfinished or unstarted projects the way I used to.

It’s not a life reboot. I did that a couple of months ago and got rid of a bunch of activities that were clutter
So what does that mean?

1. I have to get serious about minding my physical state. If I don’t do it, who will? This means priority on sleep, good nutrition, and exercise…and going back to the gym. It also means that need to make sure I take my medicine, which has become somewhat inconsistent, and do appropriate skin care.
2. I need to make down time a priority. I find myself retreating into books, but this doesn’t allow my mind to settle and slow down. I have to make calming activities like knitting a priority, even when I don’t want to do them.
3. I need to pare down. Not just the stuff that doesn’t bring me joy, but the stuff that is either languishing unfinished or not started. Someday/maybes will be pared down quite a bit as well.
4. I have to spend more time socializing. I’ve been spending my free time with my family or alone this summer. With school back in session, I will resume my dinners with my friends as well as choir. I might need to add in something else, so I’ll be seeking a crafting circle.

I’m not making changes for the sake of making changes. This is something that is bothering me and interfering with my ability to get things done. And so it must be.

My question to you…is there anything in your life right now that just feels off? What are you going to do about it?

So you’ve decided to pare down your possessions. You pull out what you no longer want, and there is a big pile of it. What now? Throwing it out seems like a waste when most of the stuff is almost unused.

I’m getting rid of a lot of stuff. It amazes me how much I have accumulated; it amazes me how much I don’t use. Yet I can’t bear to throw things out when someone else would be able to get use – and joy – out of them.

The Result of Decluttering

So far on my “tidying journey”  I have gone through clothes, books, papers and electronics. I’ve also been going through other areas of my house, even though they are not yet on the list, such as the kitchen, as I do my cleaning.

So I have a big pile of stuff. And what can I do with it all?

But Where Should It Go?

The trash is the first thing that pops into mind. And I will say this: if the item is unusable, stained, torn, broken or otherwise compromised or underwear/socks, throw it out. Don’t make a charity use its precious manpower sorting through your garbage.

But there are places for usable things to go.

Battered Women’s Shelters

My charity of choice is our local battered women’s shelter. They pick up items, keep the things they can use for those women and children landing on the doorstep, and send the rest to a thrift store.

Items my local shelter takes are clothing (women’s and children’s), household items, toys and games, school supplies and outerwear.

Our local shelter sends a truck out to pick up donations regularly and will make a special trip if I call them.

Thrift Store Donations

We have a lot of thrift stores in our area, and these are a good place to take other items. They will take everything that the battered women’s shelter does, plus just about everything else, including furniture. I have to cart everything to a donation station, but this inconvenince is offset by the people who unload the car.

Libraries

I have two different city libraries within 3 miles of me. My own city takes donations and sells the books on Amazon. So if the books are older or not of “general interest” they will be rejected. For that reason, I go to the next city over, where they accept all books and sell them at a jumble sale twice a year.

Both of the libraries will take empty CD cases as well, and we generally take a batch over once or twice a year.

The Ads

If you want to sell something, you can always take out an ad on a service like Craigslist. Please be cautious, though: don’t meet the person at your house if at all possible, never meet a buying alone, and never, ever let the people into your house. Our local police precinct allows Craigslist transactions to happen in their parking lot.

Freecycle

I am a big fan of Freecycle. You can get rid of the oddest stuff on Freecycle, even broken things that people will sell for scrap or use for parts. My local Freecycle puts the burden of picking up things on the receiver, and people tell you when they will stop by to pick up. I always leave everything on the front porch, tagged with their name, so that I am not waiting for them to pick up at a certain time.

I have gotten rid of a broken Roomba (parts), a patio table whose safety glass top had shattered (scrap), a queen mattress (taken by a salior who was geo-baching), all sorts of kitchen stuff that I had upgraded or no longer used (crockpots, breadmaker, hand blender, donut machine, deep fryer, all my bar ware).

Recycle

This doesn’t really count, but since I am a green gal, I have to put in a word for recycling. Know what your municipality will recycle, and before throwing something in the trash, see if you can recycle it. This keeps stuff out of the landfill and is an important part of being green.

A special word about electronics: most electronics can be recycled for the metals contained. Some stores off recycling, such as Best Buy. Sometimes municipalities will host an electronic recycling event. Please recycle electronics properly! It keeps harmful metals out of the environment and water, and means we don’t have to mine so much for new electronics.

Summary

Your stuff doesn’t have to go in the trash once you’re done with it. If it is in good shape, pass it on. You can find many ways to make your stuff available to others, like charities, libraries, ads and Freecycle.

Image by eelke dekker. Licensed under Creative Commons. Text added.

Most of us have heard the phrase “use it or lose it” when it comes to time off. But it can be applied in an effort to remove distraction from your life. Today we will explore five places to apply “use it or lose it” in the context of decluttering.

The Concept Behind Use It Or Lose It

Use it or lose it simply means you need to use what is hand, or it will be taken away.

If it is in reference to time off, you lose paid vacation that you have earned. Your company takes it away.

If it is in reference to stuff, it means that all things have a limited time when they can be used. You should take advantage of that time, or get rid of it.

My Decluttering Project

Near the end of 2017 I felt overwhelmed. It wasn’t just the schedule or the tasks, but also the weight of all my accumulated stuff that pressed down on me.

Stuff really does expand to fill all available space, and after 15 years in my house I have seen our level of possessions grow far too quickly.

So in January 2018 I embarked on a decluttering project. Flylady’s mantra of little at a time doesn’t work for me – long experience has shown that as I move stuff out, it just moves back in again in a different form. So I decided to give Marie Kondo’s method  a try again. I had worked her modules on clothing and books (partially) in the summer of 2016, and I had been able to maintain that leve with little effort after that.

As of the writing of this article, I have moved through clothing and books completely and I am about 3/4 of the way through papers.

Use It Or Lose It

So here is where Use It Or Lose It applies to decluttering:

“Good” stuff

I was raised by parents who grew up at the tail end of the Great Depression in rural areas further depressed by poor economies. Both of my parents had the habit of saving things “for good.” There were special dishes, a special tea set, special clothes, special perfume, special jewelry. I absorbed this attitude and brought it with me unknowing into my own adulthood.

But things that aren’t used are just being hoarded. Too many people die with their things saved “for good” untouched.

So as I go through my things, I am aware of things that have that “for good” label attached. If they are not in regular use, then they are sent on their way to someone who will use them.

And that includes the “good” china – we are now using the dining room more frequently with those dishes.

If you’re not using something special, is it really all that special? Either get it into regular use, or let it go to someone who will use them.

Knowledge

Most specialized knowledge is not evergreen. Things that you learned in school, unless they are foundational things like math, have a limited application. They go out of date as things expire.

So as I went through our books, I looked at all my school books. Only those that had evergreen content (like linear algebra, basic algorithms, trig) were allowed to stay – and then only if I had needed the book in the past two years. Same with the books from my husbands master’s degree – all those books on the political climate of early century now are out of date.

If the knowledge is either out of date or not being used, pass it on to someone who can learn from it.

Clothing

Too many people hang on to a variety of sizes of clothing in their closet. They hope they will get back into that size again one day. And they very well might do it.

However by that time, those clothes that are hanging in the closet will be out of date.

If you’re not using the clothes, pass them on to someone who might use them before they go out of date.

Notes

I had gotten rid of all my class notes (or so I thought) a few years ago. But as I was going through my papers, I found all of the handouts and notes I had taken when I was pursuing my teaching license. Very little of the material was useful when I was teaching (because when you are “on” in front of a class, you can’t refer to a pile of notes for alternate methods); and it is of no use now that I have left education for IT.

Same with old notebooks. I ran across a few old journals that I skimmed through and promptly ripped apart and recycled. I will never use them again, and I certainly don’t want anyone else to use them either.

If you have notes that you haven’t looked at in six months or more, you’re not using it. And since they will probably be of no use to anyone else, go ahead and lose them to the recycling bin.

Manuals

Another legacy from my parents is that when you buy something, you need to hang on to all the instructions and warranties. I guess that made sense in an era where things were meant to last and papers were not easily replaced, e.g. before the Internet.

So having absorbed that attitude I tucked all the warranties and papers into five magazine holders in my closet. I had a task on my task list for almost three years to go through them and organize them. With Marie Kondo, though, I pulled it all out and started pitching things. It turns out I didn’t need to organize them. I needed to purge these papers that hadn’t been looked at in years. I ended up with five items – one to pass on to a co-worker for a device I had gifted him, three sets of instructions for cleaning items that are infrequently cleaned, and one receipt for paying a traffic ticket for expired tags.

Some of my manuals live in my cookbook place. And I use them because they tell me how to use the appliance to the best advantage. But anything else hadn’t been used since the days they were shoved into the files.

If you’re not referring to those manuals, lose them into recycling.

Memorabilia

One of the habits I ingrained when I first tackled simplifying my life (back in the early 2000’s) was that I don’t buy souvenirs that don’t have a purpose.

So rather than buying a fridge magnet at South of the Border, I bought a can coolie, which I use every time I drink soda. Instead of buying mouse ears at Disneyworld, I bought earrings. On a trip to Montreal, instead of a mug, I bought an umbrella (which was also useful at the time). Instead of buying an I Heart NY magnet or mug or sticker, I got myself an M&M blanket, which sits in my chilly writing studio.

None of these things have the typical souvenir branding; they just remind me of the trip when I use them.

Sadly, most houses I visit have memorabilia all over the place. It’s not useful stuff, it’s just collections displayed on shelves and horizontal surfaces. It doesn’t get used, it just sits and collects dust.

Most people don’t enjoy dusting. So why keep things that collect dust? If the memories are so important, take a picture of the item before you get rid of it.

Summary

If you are not using something, then all it is doing is taking up space in your environment and mind. If you are trying to lighten up (physically and mentally) and are decluttering, look at each item and ask if you are using it. If you are not, either start using it or get rid of it.

Have you ever looked at your schedule and just wanted to hide? Today I will give you the 4 step process I used to cut back on an overwhelming schedule.

Feeling Overwhelmed

I look back at what I was able to do 15 years ago when my daughter was an infant, and it always seems like I was able to do more. At that point I was running three blogs with an article each day. In fact, I was able to do more. Which is fine, except that I expect myself to be able to do the same amount now, even though my circumstances are different. I use this vague need to do the same amount as a basis to add more to my schedule, and I end up overwhelmed.

So this is not in my imagination – this is a real consequence of an expectation that is not realistic. Yes, I was able to do more 15 years ago. At that point I had a condo, rather than a house, with smaller square footage to maintain and no outdoor tasks. There was no dog. There was one cat. There was an infant whose nanny came to the house every day. I didn’t have the music commitments I do now. I didn’t have Girl Scouts or novel writing. While I was working more hours, I was able to do a lot of writing at my job since I had so much down time.

Fast forward to today, I’ve tried to force myself into that same schedule but my commitment level has changed drastically.

Letting Go Of The “Should”

The reason I get overwhelmed is purely internal, and it’s two-fold. On the one hand I tell myself that I did it once, I should be able to do it again. So I allow myself to pile on more writing work, trying to match the level I did 15 years ago.

On the other hand, I recognize that my commitments have changed, and my daughter no longer needs my full attention all the time. I tell myself that I should be able to do more, since I don’t have that demand on me. And I pile out outside commitments, not realizing that she still needs me, only slightly less and very different ways. For instance, as an infant, I could write while she napped. Today, I can’t work while I am helping her with pre-calculus.

It’s very different.

Step 1: Assessing the Current Schedule

So something has to give. I’m going to walk you through the process, using r steps to cut back on the overwhelming schedule. It starts with looking at the monster it had become.

I listed out all of the things that took up my time, even if they weren’t on my calendar.

• Work. While I officially work 30 hours a week, I still go to a client site every day. My current client doesn’t have any down time, so the 2-3 hours a day I used to use for writing and other projects has vanished. My hours have been creeping up as well, and sometimes I am closer to 40 than 30.
• Work Extracurricular. My company is big on “seasoned” consultants sharing their knowledge with the fresh-out-of-college employees. This generally amounts to one to two evenings a month, not including any company meetings (which are held after hours so as not to interfere with our client work).
• Home maintenance. I currently have a four bedroom house with formal and informal rooms. The square footage has more than doubled since my days in the condo, and we live on a 1/3 acre that requires maintenance to ensure we are not overrun by any of the six different types of invasive vines coming at us from the adjacent city wetlands/woodlands. I am now also cooking for three, trying to show by example what healthy meals look like (this requires far more effort than throwing a frozen pizza into the oven)
• Choir. While I am still in the same choir, our rehearsals have grown from 1.5 hours every week to over 2.
• Small Music Groups. In addition to the choir work, I am currently part of three other vocal/musical groups. These add at least another hour onto the rehearsal time each week.
• Fiction Writing I have always wanted to write a book, and NaNoWriMo has provided me the help to get moving on it. Now I am trying to make the fiction writing a year-round thing instead of a single month so that I don’t acquire any more unfinished books.
• Blogging. I now run three blogs – two private and this one. One has two articles a week, with one being a quote. One is pictures so that my mother can be more in touch (because we are not going to show my mother how to use Facebook. And then there is this blog, producing 2-3 articles a week. This is more consuming than it was 15 years ago, since I am now writing more in-depth articles (instead of software reviews) and having to do things like SEO and list building.
• Girl Scouts. I dissolved my troop this past fall and I am now working with four girls as independent scouts. It’s more along the lines of I’m working with my daughter and the other three can tag along. Gone are the paperwork, checking account and crafts; but I am now having to navigate four girls through the Gold Award process. Gone are the days when I can wing a meeting.
• Other volunteer commitments. I administer websites for two groups that I work with. One of them requires a daily effort, the other a larger effort once or twice a month. I am also the coordinator for a church group that meets every month and then an additional eight times a year for seminars.

So those are my current commitments. Here’s what I did to get them down to more manageable levels.

Step 2: Wholesale Abandonment

Sometimes it is just necessary to abandon something that doesn’t have a positive return on investment. After looking at all the activities, I was able to jettison a few:

• Work extracurricular. While I understand my company’s desire to capitalize on my experience, I get nothing out of it. I have been very vocal about the need to have better agenda items to attract people to these meetings – if that should happen I might consider going as a one-off if there is something interesting. I’ve also decided to only attend two of the after-hours quarterly meetings a year.
• Small musical group. I’ve bowed out of one of the small musical groups, since I really wasn’t enjoying the music or working with the other performers.
• Church Group. Given lack of attendance, we cancelled the monthly meetings. It wasn’t giving us any return on my effort.

Step 3: Commitment Deferral

Sometimes you can put a commitment off until a later date. This will free up the schedule for a while, but it will have to be looked at again when things come into play. This is useful when there is still a positive return on time investment, but when that investment is lower than other tasks.

• Small music groups. One of these has been pushed out until May, and fall commitments will be limited to two.
• Church group. Since two of my co-leaders have been heavily involved with the move to the new building, we have deferred all seminars until next fall, when I can get help with them.
• Novel. I took December off in order to deal with the heavy musical commitments during that month.

Step 4: Commitment Modification

Commitment modifications can be everything from scaling back to re-negotiating the terms of the commitment – even if the re-negotiation is with yourself.

• Housework. I have asked my husband to do the cooking twice a week. I have set theme days for the cooking so I am not scrambling to find recipes. I have also limited myself to trying only one new recipe a week (this takes a lot of pressure off). I have  modified my cleaning lists from the Flylady era to work with my house and my level of cleanliness. These are now in my task list along with all of my other tasks. Our garden beds have been filled with stone, which keeps the weeds down.
• Fiction Writing. Instead of going at the break-neck pace to get 50,000 words every month, I have backed it down to 6,000 words per week. This gives me days when I am free of writing, and is still moves me forward at a good clip.
• Blogging. The picture blog has gone down to twice a month. My other personal blog has all the quotes set up for the year. My process for producing posts for this blog has also changed and streamlined.
• Girl Scouts. One of the reasons I dissolved the troop was the constant scheduling headaches, coordinating 8 girls at 7 different high schools. Now I set the meetings to work for my daughter and me, and the girls can come or not. I have also determined that we won’t be doing door-to-door cookies sales, but only what I can provide to my co-workers.

Making Sure It Doesn’t Happen Again

So now my schedule is less full. I’ve removed what I can, with very specific reasons.

However, until I make sure that I have shifted my mental processes as well, I am still in danger of going back.

I have to let go of the guilt of feeling like I am letting my scouts down. I have to let go of feeling like I need to be Suzy Homemaker when it comes to meals and cleaning. I have to let go of saying yes when someone asks me to do something. I have to push back when someone asks me to do something within my commitments and it doesn’t work right then. I have to let go of my all-or-nothing attitude to writing fiction.

Goodbye guilt.

Goodbye perfectionism.

Goodbye people-pleasing.

Goodbye all-or-nothing thinking.

Once I can let go of those things, my schedule has a fighting chance of staying uncluttered.

Summary

To get out of overwhelm, you can take a 4 step process. Assess your current commitments, drop some commitments, scale back others, and modify what is left.

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Image by MrsTG. Licensed under Creative Commons. Text added.